Dealing with People Who Talk Too Much: A Guide to Clearer, Kinder Communication

Before reacting to someone who dominates every conversation, it helps to pause and ask - why are they doing this?

1. Anxiety: Some people fear silence. Talking fills that space and eases their nerves.

2. Validation Seeking: They may feel ignored or undervalued in other areas of life, and over-talking becomes a way to claim space.

3. Lack of Awareness: They're simply not reading social cues or noticing body language that says, "Hey, it's someone else's turn."

4. Passion: Their enthusiasm for a topic can make them lose track of time.

5. Habitual Behaviour: If someone grew up in a household or culture where being loud or fast-talking was normal, they might equate airtime with importance.

Dr. Deborah Tannen, a renowned linguist, notes in her book You Just Don’t Understand that conversational styles are shaped by gender, culture, and upbringing. Some people are taught to interrupt to be heard, while others are taught to wait their turn. (Source)

Fun fact:

In high-context cultures (like Japan or Korea), over-talking is often seen as rude. In low-context cultures (like the U.S.), it may be considered engaging or enthusiastic. Cultural expectations vary widely!

Why Overtalking Harms Conversations

Over-talking isn’t just annoying, it’s damaging to team dynamics, relationship trust, and conversational balance.

Common effects include:

• Others feel dismissed or unseen

• Meetings run overtime or lose focus

• Great ideas from quieter members get buried

• The talker becomes tuned out, and collaboration falters

Most importantly, it erodes trust. According to a Harvard Business Review article, psychological safety is the #1 predictor of successful teams, and that includes everyone feeling heard. (Source)

1. Use Strategic Interruptions

Interrupting can feel rude, but not when done tactfully and with the intention of balance.

Try:

* “Let’s pause here, I want to make sure we hear from others, too.”

This kind of redirection isn’t silencing its scaffolding equity.

2. Set Time Boundaries

Structure reduces friction. Example phrases:

• “Let’s keep comments to 90 seconds.”

• “We’ll go around and give everyone 1 minute.”

Use this especially in recurring meetings or brainstorming sessions.

3. Use Non-verbal Signals

Subtle gestures, such as leaning in, inhaling audibly, or slightly raising a hand, work wonders in physical settings.

In virtual calls? Use chat messages or the “raise hand” feature.

4. Address It One-on-One

Try these scripts:

• “I care about what you’re sharing, but I also want to keep the energy balanced. Can we aim for shorter exchanges?”

• “Can we both try to stick to 10-minute updates?”

It’s awkward, but necessary. And it often builds more trust in the long term.

Signs You Might Be the Over-Talker

• You dominate airtime without realizing it

• People seem distracted or disengaged

• You don’t recall much of what others said

• You often say, “Long story short…”

What to Do About It?

Try this simple rule: After every 60 seconds of speaking, pause and invite the other person in.

Use bridging questions like:

• “Does that make sense?”

• “What’s your take on that?”

• “Have you ever dealt with that too?”

This small pivot creates a collaborative energy rather than a monologue. 🔍

Perspective Tip:

Being aware of your airtime isn’t self-censorship, it’s self-awareness. It’s the difference between broadcasting and true dialogue.

You don’t need to roll your eyes or steam quietly while someone goes on and on. You also don’t need to shame them.

Use Gentle Assertiveness

Here’s a powerful sentence to remember:

“I really value what you’re sharing, and I also want to make sure others get to speak too.”

It’s kind. It’s clear. And it keeps the connection front and center.

Communication insight:

Assertiveness isn’t about volume. It’s about balance. Being heard while making space for others is what strong voice and speech training teaches.

Sometimes the best way to “deal” with an overtalker… is to not compete.

Why Silence Works

Intentional silence is powerful. It grounds you. It invites others to notice the shift. It brings clarity.

A centred pause, paired with a calm, steady voice, can redirect a conversation better than any interruption.

Research from the University of Michigan found that short silences in conversations increase information retention and help people process more deeply. (Source)

Whether you're dealing with an over-talking colleague, a passionate friend, or even yourself, remember this:

Communication is a shared act. It thrives when mutual respect is present.

If you want to take your speech skills to the next level, consider professional voice training in Singapore. At The Voice Room, we specialise in voice and speech training in Singapore that helps you develop a confident, clear, and authentic voice, essential for effective leadership and communication.

No time to read? Tune in to this article on The Voice Room Podcast while you're on the go — click here to listen ​

Follow us now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Goodpods, Amazon Music, YouTube or any podcast platform you’re using, so you don’t miss any episodes!

📲 Follow us for updates, tips, and behind-the-scenes:

Instagram: @the.voiceroom

Facebook: TheVoiceRoom

LinkedIn: Carina Tien